Romance of life

• The curator agreed to removethe paintings from the exhibition and sent a letter to the artistinviting him to submit alternatives. Unfortunately,the offer was refused point-blank. - He's threatened to go to the press.- Mr Norman Lindsay, I take it? - You've heard of him.- Well, I like to keep abreast. The last thing we want is a scandal. A case could be made for thefirst three. They're merely vulgar. But this oneis certainly blasphemous. I think an outsider has more ofa chance of getting through to him than any of us locals. I gather you were somethingof a progressive at Oxford. Don't believe everything you hearbut yes, element of truth in that.

• He's happy to put youand your wife up for the night. I think he rather relishesthe idea of a good argument. Well, if his reputationis anything to go by, he'd love to shock the socks offany churchman that goes near him. May I introduce you to my wife?I don't think you've met. Estella, the Bishop of Sydney.My wife, Estella. - Welcome to Australia.- Thank you. - Morning.- Tickets, please. - Do you know if a taxi's waiting?- Yeah. There's not. I, um, understand one was bookedto go to Mr Lindsay's place. Doing a bit of modelling, are yous? No, I certainly am not.

• Taxi's been a bit late lately.You'd be better off down at the pub. May we leave our baggage here? I'm about to knock off.It'll be pilfered. Would you mind giving usa hand with it, then? - Oh, I'm awfully sorry.- I'll forgive you. - Millions wouldn't.- Oh, dear. Try the pub.It's just down the hill. - Morning.- Get fucked. Get fucked. Ah, fuck. Aw, fuck. Watch the language, everyone. Gents only in the bar.Ladies' lounge is through the door. Yes, we don't want a drink.We just want a taxi, if there is one. - Reg is at a funeral.- I see. - You could be in for a long wait.- Oh, yes? It's his funeral. Well... Thanks. Hey! I got my eye on you! - Where yous goin'?- Out to Mr Lindsay's place. We're goin' out that way.

• We can give you a lift. - Thank you. Thank you very much.- After we finish our beers. Anthony? They can't wait forever. Fine. Come on, then. Thank you. Thanks for the lift. I don't mean to be rude but... you got a bit of foodon the side of your mouth. Thanks. See ya later. Sorry about that, Piglet.You all right? They swear an awful lot.They tend to, types like that. - They didn't really say anything.- Good. - Now, where is everyone?- Maybe Mr Lindsay changed his mind. Pooh, look, there's something here. Dear visitors, sorry we missed you.Gone out for a picnic. Make yourselves at home. Well, I supposewe'd better not go in. Let's sit over by the pond. - Mrs Campion?- Hello.

• What? Ah! Sorry. I was fast asleep there. You must be Mr Lindsay.Lindsay Campion, my wife Norman. - Estella.- Just out from England? That's it. We arrivedjust a couple of weeks ago. So they weren't game to send a local? Well, you...you're exactly on our way. Oh, well. I'm gladyou got here in one piece. Excuse me, I gotta get back to work. Giddy and Sheela'll show you a room.You'd probably like to freshen up. - We'd love to, thank you.- Thank you very much. - You take that for me...- This way, ladies and gents. Maggie! Thank you. Lovely. You'll have trouble sleeping. She sleeps next doorand she snores terribly. - I do not.- She sounds like two possums mating.

• That's so horrible and it's not true. Whereabouts is the, uh... Take him out to the thunder box. Just a tick. I've never snored in my life. I think snoringcan be quite charming, actually. This way. Why do they call it a thunder box?Cos it's out in the wind and rain? I suppose. But you always needto keep your shoes on. - Are there stinging nettles?- Yes, and scorpions and centipedes. Hell. - Can you swim?- Not very well. I'll wake you up. There'sa swimming hole we go to every day. - I'm Sheela.- Estella. Does he always take the Biblewith him to the dunny? It wasn't the Bible. He just doesn'tlike wasting time, that's all. Well, from the size of it,he could be there all night. I should've warned himabout the redbacks. - What are they?- Small spiders with big teeth. - They live under toilet seats.- How do you know if they're there? By the screams. Ah, there you are.

• Mr Lindsay's wonderful, isn't he? He said we're gonna doThe Sirens next. - Do you know about them?- Certainly. They lived on the island of Atlantisand sang songs from the cliffs and sailors from passing ships weredriven mad by these gorgeous voices. And the ships would be dashedagainst the rocks and the sailors dragged downto a blissful death with the voices of the sirensringing in their ears. I think mythsare a bit stupid, really. I'll be wearing this. You know, you could pose, too,if you like. He always needs more models.Go on, try it. Please. There's some male ones too. I don't think that's quite for us. Well, you could always wear a dagger,strategically placed. Or a sword. Whichever you need.And dinner's ready. Oh, that's right. I was sent to fetch you. I don't...like people thinkingI'm like the other models. I'm working here as a maid.Mr Lindsay asked me to pose and I said I wouldif I could keep my clothes on. Because I really think it's importantto keep one's mystique, don't you, Mr Campion? Is it Mr Campionor Father Anthony? It's, uh, it's Tony. Do you think it's a sin...Tony? I don't think there's anything sinfulabout the body. There's a tradition of religiouspainting featuring the nude.

• It's a question of...how the artistuses the body that's important. So, do you thinkMr Lindsay's paintings are rude? Some I think are profane. Oh, that's good. I'm starving. I only eat once a daycos my mother's very fat and it runs in my family. You should see my grandpa.He looks like the Michelin Man. You know, the onewith all those tyres around him? He eats like a horse!He puts tomato sauce on everything. It was a very enlightened society.The artists made all the decisions. That's why there's no recordof warfare between the Atlanteansand anyone else. The main question is, where was it? The Mediterraneanis the most likely spot. They're always digging up pottery that doesn't belong toany known civilization. How could a complete peoplejust disappear? Well, a cataclysm.

• They were allwiped out in a cataclysm. Whole island sank in an earthquake. So you're a genuine believerin Atlantis? Well, I lived therein a former incarnation. I ask because the cataclysm can beseen as an image of moral collapse and some think we're going througha similar period of decay. Do you explore that in your painting? I think people have alwaysbeen decaying, whenever they can. He's just a very depraved man,I'm afraid, Mr Campion. No one's safe. I'm bloody bored! Have you seen those fairies lately? A couple of them were outlast Friday. - They were not!- They were too. They always come outon Fridays round midnight. They do not. Do they, Mummy? Yes, you don't see themcos you're asleep.

• Tonight's Friday,as a matter of fact. But then you'd betoo bloody bored to see them. No, I'm not, Mummy.I promise I won't be bored. - Even bloody bored?- Promise! Well, if you're gonna be upat midnight, get to bed now. - Say good night to everybody.- Good night, everybody. The Industrial Revolutionkilled the fairies. They were left with nowhere to live. - Except our imaginations.- lmaginations are a luxury. - Beg your pardon?- Most people can't afford them. I don't think imaginationis dependent on economics, is it? In a factory you're doing exactlythe same thing day after day. An active imagination is what allowspeople to do that kind of work. Oh, well, you'd know, of course! I just thinkthat's what you'd have to do. You'd have to be imaginingother things. Please don't tell uswhat the working class think, thanks very much.

• I think what the Bishop'sreally hoping for is that we can come to a compromise, find some other examplesof your work. The great thing is no... Your chair. - No one wants to see you excluded.- Now, that is a comfort. I hadn't realised the Church'sinterest in contemporary painting. - Pooh?- It's me. Come in. Poor old Piglet.Pru gave you a bit of a working over. He insists it's up to the publicto decide for themselves if they want to see his pictures. Of course, they have to see themfirst to decide, by which timethe damage has been done, but that is a bit of logicwhich is lost upon him. Never mind. I'll have another shotin the morning before we go. Do you think the picturesactually damage people? I think that the sexual onesare just rather childish but I do thinknegative images build up and don't any good in the long run and I think The Crucified Venusis offensive and downright arrogant.

• I'm coming, I'm coming! - Hurry up, stupid!- I'm running as fast as I can, you disgusting thing! My guess is they're tooth fairies. - Shall we?- Come on, then. - Swimming?- What's the time? The train doesn't leave until 12. All right. Anthony. What'd you do to him?He's exhausted. - Anthony!- Don't wake him up. Well, he might be dreaming. It's dangerous to wake somebody upif they're dreaming because you leave partof your brain behind. If it happens a lot,you go feeble in the head. Yeah. You're living proof. All right, I'll join you in a minute. - Are you rich?- Not very. - What does your father do for crust?- Why do you ask? Well, Pru thinks you're bourgeois,that's all. Mine was taken by a shark. God, how awful! There wasn't much left of him. So I was brought up mainly by my mum.She runs a sweet shop. But I'm quite ambitious all the same.I was determined to keep my figure, which was hard with chocolate wombatsand toffee apples everywhere. - But as you can see, I succeeded.- Because you wanted to be a model? Oh, no.Modelling is just to get known.

• I'm going to be a famous actress. People will know me throughMr Lindsay's paintings, then I'll move on tostage and screen. They're very common.They can't help it. Sheela's gotten brothers and sisters. She wants to be an artist like Norman. - And Pru wants to be an aviator.- Aviatrix. Quick, someone's coming! - Hide! - Devlin!- Come and have a swim. You shouldn't have anything to dowith him. He's a criminal. - You dream about him, don't you?- I do not! You lie on the groundwhile he licks your belly button. You're so disgusting, flauntingyourselves. You're so cheap! He wouldn't knowif we were dressed or not. - She'll think we're...barbarians. - Morning.- Morning. The papers got hold of it. "When the exhibition arrives inLondon, the English will be convinced "Australia is peopled by degeneratesafflicted with sex mania." Must be why they deported us. The other news is that it seemswe'll be here for another day or so. The train was derailed and asection of track has to be repaired. Rose is very kindly giving us a rideinto town this afternoon to see how long it's going to be. These flies areremarkably persistent.

• I just...ate one, I think.Came in on me honey. Made me feel funny... in me tummy. - May I speak?- Briefly. I just wondered if you'd beinterested in today's editorial? I try to ignore the pressas much as I can. Oh, here we go. "The excesses of Lindsay havelong been a source of consternation "to clean-living citizensof this country. "He paints people who seem to beslaves of cocaine or similar, "which has reduced them tofrenzied and shameless morbidity. "Today, however, not content withscorning standards of public decency, "he profanes the most sacred imageof Christianity, the Crucifixion." As if I give a damn aboutthese Wesleyans, these wowsers. Well, it's quite a lot of peoplewho hold the Crucifixion sacred. - Anyway, you're busy.- Mr Campion, I am an artist and I refuse to be compromised bythe scruples of the public! - Scruples or beliefs?- And this Crucifixion business. When I was a boy, my mother used to try to instruct uson the sad story of Jesus, how He died on the cross for us. My whole being rose in revoltagainst the idea! It's a vile notionthat a god should sacrifice himself for the sins of mankind,it's a pestilent notion. - Well, I couldn't agree with that.- Hang on. it's nothing compared tothe suffering the Church has caused.

• The burning of witches,the Spanish lnquisition, the slaughter of pagan tribesand so on. Anyway, there we are. Must get back to work. Well, now, here's a thing. You see the article in here aboutAtlantis? There's a new theory. Off Norway, they reckon. When it sank,it must've caused a tidal wave, so they're looking atold Nordic texts to see if there's any evidenceof flooding. You're disgusting, Sheela.You should be in a sty. - Watch this. Watch Giddy's skin.- Don't you dare. Don't, Sheela. One day, we're gonna tickle you... and we're gonna keep tickling youall over. Stop it. Look at her arms and legs.Look at the goose pimples. Sheela. Will you be quiet? - Do you know who else will do it?- Shut up. - He'll be tickling you too.- He will not. He'll tickle you...there. She'd burst.Her insides would go everywhere. Sea slugs do that. When they get attacked,they spit their insides out. You can eat them and go all night.

• There are islandswhere the women gang up and ambush their favourite men and feed themthe longest sea slugs they can find. And the men get so incredibly hard, you can hang heavy clothes and jewelsfrom their erections. - But doesn't it hurt?- Excruciatingly. Giddy's guts would be good for that. They would not! My giblets are pure and innocent,like my mind. Let's hope it's good news andthen we can get out of your hair. - A couple heads more doesn't matter.- That's very kind of you. I suppose there's no pointin trying to prevail on you to help persuade Norman just towithdraw that particular picture? - Mr Campion...- Tony. Have you actually seen it? Yes, very briefly in the gallery. I was the model for it, you see... One, two, three, charge! Stop it. Stop it at once! What do you think you're doing?Go on, get off! Get off. Go on, shoo, all of you.All of you, go away. What on earth was all that about? They're just acting outwhat their parents say - Norman's the devil incarnateand we're all witches. Go on, now, shoo. - You eat sheep poo!- You disgusting things! - How do I look?- Very nice.

• Can I wear it tonight? Pru and Iare going out with some blokes. I suppose so. Do you often try on other people'sclothes without asking? All the clothes I've ever wornare other people's. - Is this the ship you came out on?- Yes. My dad was a sailor. What does he do now? He's dead. I'm sorry. A shark took him. They found an arm with his watch. That's what they buried - the arm. Still used a normal-sized coffinthough, just for appearances. I hadn't realised sharks were so... Successful? Do you like your husband? Do people usually marry peoplethey don't like? Quite often, I'd say. Now, Devlin,I want you to pose as Ulysses. Is he the chapyou're going out with? God, no. He just doesodd jobs around the place. - But he can't see.- He can't see much. Norman says it's all a blur. There was a big prizefightout in the bush. It went on for hours.Blood everywhere. In the end, they had to stopcos Devlin was blind. After a few days, he could see a bit, but he can't hardly recogniseanyone until they speak... ..but Giddy thinkshe's the best thing since Valentino. Merely routine for you,old boy, I would've thought. See ya tomorrow night, all right? For too long,you've kept sensuality in the gloom. You've made it furtive and guilty! The Church has never denied thatsex has a supremely important role.

• "Vaginal pessaries requirea manipulation of her genital organs "which must be repugnantto every woman." See, that's the problem.God makes us feel so guilty... When Dolly Rogers allowed meto play with her parts, I thought I'd be struck by lightning. - One point.- What's your point? Mr Campion is trying to say if we give way to our whims,we're no better than pigs. - Pigs?- That's not my point! If God didn't want us to play withthese parts, why make them fun? So many people can't feed their kidsand the Church says, "Have more." Here come your lovers. Look, Jesus never said anythingabout chastity, anyway. That started withsome old men on an island that suddenly decidedthe body was bad for the soul. - Atlantis, was it?- It's a pity for women it wasn't. The fact is,the gloomy God of the Old Testament still has us by the scruffof the neck today.

• When He was invented,there were a lot of pagan religions that celebrated sexualityand fertility and so on. So how is this new religionto compete with something so popular? By saying that sex was evil and thatwomen, the embodiment of sexuality, were responsible for the downfallof mankind in the Garden of Eden! - So we're second-class citizens.- Mrs Pankhurst would be proud. - Why can't we be vicars or priests?- Or popes? Because we're too deafened by the dinof our bodies to hear God's Word. - Here, here.- May I answer that question? - May I speak?- Come in, boys. - Evenin', all. G'day.- Evening. You're late. We had to fix up...a couple of flyblown sheep. Did you wash your hands? Twice. - Eww, it's horrible.- It's only oil, honey. It's sheep poo. You got sheep pooin your fingernails. It's OK. We'll be wearing gloves. Well...better get going, I suppose. See yous later. - Good night.- See ya. Try one of these. They're Turkish. Don't worry, Giddy.Your time will come. - Any luck?- No. "Is there a Pigletin the house?" said Pooh. They're trying to shock us,aren't they? Well, church-baiting'salways been a popular pastime.

• I got an awful lotof it at university. The atheists always think it's funnyto roast the dusty old Christian. The great thing, of course,is not to be too dusty. You should have seen Lindsay's facewhen I started quoting Joyce at him. Something wrong, Piglet? No. Those girls are perfect modelsfor Lindsay's orgies, aren't they? A shame about Giddy.I think there's hope for her. She was, um...sticking up for meat dinner. Did you notice? Oh, dear. I probably shouldn't havebrought you here, should I? - Pooh...- Piglet. I think... sometimes you have too highof an opinion of me. What on earth makes you say that? - Oh, I don't know.- You are a funny little thing. It's freezing. Come on, then. Do you want to? I'm not sure. Well...you don't have to decide now. - You wake me up if you do.- All right. According to Mr Lindsay, we should both be in a stateof perpetual tumescence.

• What are you doing?- Watching you sleep. Looks like you bothhad another punishing night. I wish you wouldn't creepinto our room every morning! We've just been for a swim. I just wanted to tell youhow nice the water was. Hello! Stop! - What happened to you?- You're a terrible mess. I went for a walk. - Stupidly...got lost.- Come on. Plenty of room. - Here. Put this on.- I don't want to dress up. You look as if you've beenin an orgy. Who were you with? No one. Don't be a spoilsport. Please? Oh...all right, then. Fuckin' pub. You get fucked. And you too.You get fucked. And you. You get fucked too. Go on and get fucked. Get fucked. Three jugs of beerand a créme de menthe. Hello? Hello? Sorry, lounge is closed. - What about them?- Just closed a few minutes ago. - Well, the main bar's open.- The main bar's for men. - Don't worry. Let's go.- We came here for a drink. Hey, Tom! Lewis. Get us some drinks, will ya? Forget 'em. They're pretendingthey don't know us. That boil in themiddle of your bum... you should have itlooked at by a doctor. It might go septic.Your whole bum might fall off. - What if we drink outside?- That's against the law. It's against the lawto be open on a Sunday. Get fucked. One, two, three! - Your mother's a trade unionist?- Yep. The sort that'd put people like youup against a wall and shoot 'em. - My family aren't wealthy.- What does your father do? - He's an antiques dealer.- Mine was a sailor. He's dead. Taken by a shark? Blown to bits in a battle. They only ever found his foot. - What's funny?- I'm sorry. One, two, three! - Let go of my foot.- One, two, three! - Let go of my foot!- One, two, three! You haven't caught us yet. All right, girls. Jiggle your biceps.This'll be piss easy. Charge! - Hopeless!- Pitiful! - Kelly O'Hara!- Sean Connolly! - Seamus O'Hurd!- Patrick O'Shaugnessy! What are you doing, Giddy? Dancing away all my impure thoughts.I'm filled with them. You should be doing it. You need to more than me.Oh, not you, Estella. She needs to more than anyone.

• Ah, the world's going round. What are you picturingin your mind, Giddy? Nothing. - You're getting slippery.- What do you mean? I know somewhere...where she'd be really ticklish. Don't. He leaps from rock to rockwith the grace of a mountain goat. - You all right?- Rose. Yes, I'm fine, thank you. - Just a bit out of breath.- Were you running? Walking. Briskly. I think it's timeyou paid a visit to Mr Devlin. I don't chase men.It's undignified. What's that in his hand? - It looks like Estella's hat.- Yes. I...I lost it when I went out fora walk. He must've picked it up. So that's why you were blushingin the car. I was feeling ill, I told you. Let me go. You ticklish? Excuse me. Would you...please untie me? Please, will you untie me? My hands are going to sleep. Thank you. - That tunic suits you.- I thought we might go to evensong. All right, I'll go and change. So must I. - Where were you?- We went into the town. You went to the pub.I can smell it on your breath. Why are you wearingthat ridiculous outfit? It's...part of what they've beenusing in the latest paintings. Yes, I'm well aware of that. Does this meanyou'll be doing some modelling? There's no need to be offensive. - Estella, what's wrong?- Nothing is wrong! In its long history, one ofthe enduring strengths of the Church has been its capacityto withstand persecution, insult and ridicule. Since its inception, those who have sought tomock Christians have been legion.

• Even Jesus Christ Himselffelt their lash - on the street, in the marketplace,even at the end on the cross. "Where are you now,you King of the Jews?" they called out to Him in his agony. In every age,still more come forward to scorn His nameand to defame His most sacred images. But true Christians,secure in their faith, can identify such detractorsfor what they are - the disciples of the devil, the destroyers of allthat is precious in family life, Please be seated. - What on earth is wrong with you?- Nothing. What strange, deluded, conceitedcreatures we human beings are. We think we have secrets but how can we have secretsfrom God, who knows our innermost thoughtsevery moment of the day? Giddy, what's wrong? He's in the studio.He's staying there tonight. I'm going to seduce him. You're drunk. Did he say anything...anything about me - when he untied you?- No. He's too shy, you see? I think you should lie downfor a while. We're so out of touchwith our passions. I mean, I'm sucha bourgeois little thing, too scared even to reveal myselfto a painter. I'm going to start walking aroundwithout any clothes on because, well,clothes are just ost... "ostentatious figmentsof middle-class imagination." That's Pru's nonsense. It's just a bit cold tonight. Well, I'd better go and get ready.

• This is the first dayof my new life. No, the first nightof my new life. She'll have to cross the Arafura Sea. She'll be here in a few days. Look. This is where Amy Johnson'sgot to in her plane. She was almost eaten by cannibals. You've seen her.She's about to burst out of her skin. - She doesn't know what she's doing.- Why are you so concerned? - You jealous?- Don't be ridiculous. - You like him too, don't you?- We didn't speak when he untied me. - You didn't need to.- You're really shocking. Your characters all seem so ravenous.Can't love ever be gentle? Yes, of course it can,but I'm not painting love scenes. Sorry, yes - "lust scenes." But there is a fierceness in desire,isn't there? In lovemaking? One of life's great conundrums. The only one,according to your paintings. I admit that the human universe is infinitely richerthan my meagre palette. For instance,I do absolutely no justice at all to the nervous Nellies andthe shrinking violets, the saints... You're very contemptuousof shrinking violets. Dear Estella,I'm a shrinking violet myself. I choose to livenot in the real world but in here. I flee from the real worldinto my little studio and there before me is theunlimited canvas of my imagination. But your paintings,they do go out into the real world. While you have a wonderfulimagination, most are stunted and you have no idea what effectthey'll have on people or what they mightincite them to. Rape? Mr Campion, in my opinion, the female body is the mostbeautiful thing in the world and if it turns you into a ravenousmaniac I'd suggest it's a good idea if your wife takes the greatest careto get undressed behind a screen. Estella's seen the pictures too.Are we in danger from her? You're so patronizing, Mr Campion.Everyone has a rich imagination. What stunts itis capitalist exploitation.

• Go to Soviet Russiawhere they've been liberated, there's an explosion of creativity. Have you been to Soviet Russia, Pru?Have you? I thought for a moment someone knewwhat they were talking about. Communism has exploded every value,leaving a vacuum of moral anarchy. - Anarchy is freedom!- Balls! Sorry. Sorry. Freedom for the strongto dominate the weak. It's exactly as before,just a different set of bullies. Speaking of bullies, where's Giddy? - I thought you'd lost that hat.- Yes. One of the girls must've found it. So, um, where was Giddy tonight? You like her, don't you? "Try one of these, they're Turkish." No, I just... I just worry about herwith those other two. She's drunk herself into a stupor. Planning to throw herself at... that odd-job man. Yes, he's quite a character,isn't he? Apparently, he had a dangerousreputation before he lost his sight. This whole country's dangerous. You know, I've been mulling overwhat you said to me the other night about...about methinking too highly of you. - I don't see either of us as saints.- That's a relief. Yes, I've done plenty of thingsI'm ashamed of, stretching way back. - What sort of things?- I remember when I was at school, we had thisridiculous initiation ceremony for the new boys,the "scum" as we called them. - I was put through it myself.- What happened? Well, we used to stand 'emon a chair, take their trousers down, whip 'em with wet towelswhile they recited Tennyson. - You know the sort of thing.- Do I? Anyway, that's just...something I wanted you to know. In view of...today's activities. What are you talking about? I think you know,I'd rather not put it into words. Sorry I'm so noisy.

• It's all right.They'll all be asleep. You are the Winnie the Poohsleeping in today. - What's the time?- Nearly three. Message from your friend Sheela. She didn't want to wake you forswimming as you needed your rest. Seemed quite smug about it, actually. I might have one now, then. To wake me up. Right. Good idea. - How are you feeling?- Really buggered. I woke in the night with a blanketstuck to me like a cloak. I'd spilt that horrible drink. I looked like a huge emerald mint. Not that it mattered. - Why? What do you mean?- I went to the studio to see him. He was there doing itwith somebody else. Who was it? It was dark.I suppose it was Sheela or Pru. They've got absolutely no moralsat all. I just feel so stupid.I thought he liked me. So I'm not going to haveanything to do with men any more. - I've made a big decision.- What decision? You'll see. So will Norman. - Change your mind?- Yes. Disappointing news.The organisers have backed down. Exhibition's going aheadwith all the original paintings. - Still, we did our best.- I wish we could leave now. That's the good news.The track's been repaired. - We'll get the first train tomorrow.- Thank goodness. I'll tell Lindsay. Sorry, just thought I'd let you knowwe'll be off in the morning. Right. You're very naughty so I'm notgoing to give you this chocolate. Honey! Honey, come quick. This lamb is absolutely delicious. Very nearly as good as Welsh lamband that's saying something. Well, um... thank you very muchfor your hospitality. Bottoms up. We've enjoyed ourselves. I like a little opposition.It clears the mind. So, um, I gatheryou're a boxer, Mr Devlin. Yes, I used to do a bitof boxing myself, actually. Quite a keen pugilist in one's day.

• Lost a huge part of this tooth froma great haymaker someone gave me. I expect you've got somepretty bad scabs to show as well. Apart, obviously, from the...eye thing, which is beastly. Well, unfortunately,during his last fight, Mr Devlin was gasping for airwith his tongue hanging out and he got this enormous uppercutunder his chin and lost most of it. Bulldust, Norman. He makes a brilliant Ulysses, anyhow. We always call him into the waterand he never comes. Whoever he was,you'd try to get him in. - You'd get in the whole army.- God, you're charming tonight. Thinking about the Atlantis series,I'd like to do more research. I was thinking of mountingan expedition to go and find it. You might like to come. - Devlin could be the pilot.- Giddy could be the navigator. I'm not going if they're going. - What?- Why not? I can't trust youas far as I could kick you. - Thanks very much.- What are you talking about? You know! You always eat cheesewhen you're feeling guilty. Excuse me. Sorry, I'd better go and seeif she's all right. - What?- Nothing. Piglet? You all right? Yes, I'm...I'm fine, thank you. Are you feeling a bit funny? Probably all that Stilton. You were packing it down,weren't you? - Well, I'd better...I'll go back.- Pooh. I think...we should talk. - Right you are. What about?- Ever since we got here, I... Well, now, I think some thingsare best left unsaid. But that meanswe'll always be strangers. No, not really. - Only small parts of us.

• The bad parts. No, I think it's goodto have a few secrets. Do you? That way, in 50 years' time, we'll still be ableto surprise each other. Perhaps you're right. I love you, Piglet. - What's the matter?- You must've been dreaming. When you saw someone with Devlin. You were so drunk. I looked in hereand you were absolutely sozzled. - But it was so real.- Dreams always are. The other two swear it wasn't them and you know how they like to boast. Do you still like him? - I suppose so.- You should go in and see him, then. Now? That's what your dreamwas telling you. We'll have to fix your hair. Good luck. - What? It was night...- You were shouting. Really loudly.I heard you from the garden. But I wanted to tell you aboutlast night. Oh, it was wonderful. I mean, I didn't do everythingwith him because... I don't thinkhe's good enough for me but... oh, he did some thingswhich were just... Gosh! How dare you use herwithout permission? - I don't need permission.- It infers that she modelled! You cannot just putsomeone in your painting! It's totally compromising.She'll be outraged. I'm outraged! - Perhaps we ought to ask her.- I don't need to. If she wanted... Anthony? What's the matter? Mr Lindsay has put youin his latest painting. He has to paint over youor we'll take legal action. He can turn you into someone else.You'd better have a look. Well? It's a good likeness. They're asleep. For goodness sake! We'll be arrested. We'll be excommunicated.